stage fright

the first time i ever stand on stage alone is when i was standard 2... for a singing competition.. i couldn't recall why i join.. is it teacher?? mom?? or myself?? i think the answer of myself is very very low.. that experience as far as i can remember is not that nice.. from that incident, i said to myself i wont join any singing competition. haha..

i remember the same year, teacher asked who wants to join story telling competition.. i was so scared that i hide under the table hoping teacher wont see me.. o.. can u imagine, i was so funny that time.. so scared..

the following year, when i was standard 3..mom encouraged me to take up this challenge.. i have to fight against my fear.. i remember the story telling is in chinese.. i took 2 weeks to prepare.. memorizing from head to toe.. repeated dunno how many times.. mom is the one who accompany me and teach me the body language and the tone.. mom walked with me thru that time.. o..mom won some prizes when she is young on story telling competition also le...forgot the details in the competition.. all i know..i get number 2!!!!super happy de...

when i was standard 4, i joined story telling for malay, english and chinese.. until standard 6... do i enjoy it?? i enjoy the time when i get prizes..haha.. am i scared.. yes... very.. every time i was so frightened that my knees keep knocking each other, my heart pumping so fast that i really scare i cant take it.. my hands are perspiring and shivering.. but my face will look calm... according to my frens...

then in my secondary life, going up on stage is becoming more and more frequent.. either in school or church.. then in CF.. then sharing testimony in MBS, in front of 200 students.. around there.. o.. i still can recalled, that day, my hands shiver that ppl can see.. haha.. cuz im holding paper.. so next time no more paper on hand...

experience in UKM is that i suddenly.. out of no where being asked by Prof to join malay debate.. and to my surprise.. really surprise.. i got the best speaker and my team won...

a lot of ppl admire my confident.. my natural way.. haha.. i always tell them.. i was so scared.. all the nervous symptons are all out.. my heart pumping super super fast.. i was not born like this.. i was being trained i would say.. by my mom... and thank you to my mom that she always creates opportunity that i can practise all these by asking me to be emcee wherever chance she has.. at first i feel so relunctant.. i hate it.. i dun want to do it.. im not that type of person who is in front de.. i like to keep low profile... but now, looking back, i guess it is a good traning ground also.. though is a hard way i would say..

above all, i give credit to God.. really all of it.. im a shy, timid person ( although a lot of ppl will say that im not).. i thank God that He has change me.. He walked through every moment with me.. He gives me peace and joy.. He assures me.. when i stand in front, He is right beside me.. holding my hands.. if im talking something about Him, He will help me in my words.. He will put words into my mouth that i do not need to worry wat to speak... because i know i can never do it, i know when i can is all because of HIM.. really.. He is like my father, correcting me and guiding me when everytime im on stage.. He is like a fren, cheering for me and encourages me..

God, i surrender this gift to ur hand.. use it for ur kingdom.. though i might not like it, but God, help me to see in a different perspectives and prepare my heart for Ur mighty plan. love you dad...In jesus name i pray, Amen...