New Phase, New Season

Yup, I started working again for a week!
This is my...
Second job
First time practiced as Clinical Psychologist
First time to settle down

Through my 26 of years,
It has been study, part time job, study, part time etc.
Finally there is a sense of stability
After all the transitions....
At least for the next 3-5 years
I know I will be at this place,
Child Development Centre, UKMMC

Finally practicing as a Clinical Psychologist
Not sure what I am embarking into
Exciting, Nervous...
However, God has affirmed me again
He will keep me strong to the end
He has shown and showered favor upon me
He has prepared the way even before I got the offer
Amazing and Wise He is

Henceforth, this is a new phase, new season in my life
Because I know my steps are determined by Him
I will face everyday with peace, joy and hope!
Here I come!

小璇，继续在你的生命中旋出美丽的韵律！

26th lo.....

26岁了。。。

又这样过了一年，成长了。。。
今年的生日过得平淡但幸福
发现比起害怕失去，更珍惜获得，珍惜当下
感恩身边的每一位挚友，家人
因为他们，才有今天的我
因为他们的爱，才能让我更爱别人
当然，不可忘记我的阿爸天父
因为祂赐给我这一切
让我在满满的爱中度过我的26岁！

Romans 12: 9-13 is my prayer for 26th..AMEN!!!

• Cling to do what is good
• Devoted to one another in brotherly love
• Honor others above self
• Keep spiritual fervor serving the Lord
• Joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer
• Practice hospitality

Birthday breakfast with my family @ Yeast Bangsar

Thank you for always there for me - Wai Han

Thank you for coming back all the way for me - Eliza

Sisters for life, whom they ever present for my birthday - Agnes & Wai Han

My spiritual parents - who has been loving me since 14 years ago

 13 years of friendship and still counting - Huey Yen & Wan See

Gianna - same birthday with me, 19 years apart

8 years of friendship - my form 6 gang

Reflection part 3

After few days, I realised :

I do actually enjoy slow pace life
Will do a few things but mainly
Resting and resting
Enjoy staying home and not go out
Haha...

我是一个宅女呗 :p

Reflection Part 2: Post Working

Working full time a year has made me discovered a lot:

1. I can do so much
2. I have so much don't know
3. I have a lot of limitation
4. I can try and learn from mistake
5. Learn to be humble
6. I like travel and nature a lot
7. Discover how the world is like 
8. I'm good at administrative work (planning and organizing)
9. I can lead, share on pulpit and converse multi-language
10. I really like to be in helping profession
11. I salute church full time worker/ministry staff even more
12. My Chinese actually not that bad:P
13. Working needs to be all rounder

I hate to admit it, but I'm grateful for my past unwilling training

Especially those that my mother asked me to do it

It was the past training that enables me to do what I could now

Flexibility, impromptu and I want it now thing

After working a year, I also realized that...

I actually cannot sit still at home for a long period

Haha.. Yup.. Now, I admit it

I used to think I don't like hectic lifestyle, too rush..

I still don't like it..

But I also cannot be too free for very long

I will feel purposeless, even feel so... useless

I think I need to learn to pace myself...

NOT TOO PACKED, NOT TOO FREE

Anyhow, I really enjoy this free period in my life

Doing nothing and not many appointments

Cleaning and cleaning - not just my room but also my psyche

Preparing to embark into new season in my life

Exciting yet Anxious:)

Looking Forward!

Reflection part 1: Post working in SIBKL

As I dedicated my first year to God to serve in church
I received a lot but almost similar reaction
"Wow" "You are so spiritual" "What is that means"
Actually, I don't think I'm spiritual
I struggled while thinking to dedicate 1 year, weighing on the pros & cons
I complained when things weren't what expected

However, I never regret throughout...
I know it is something that I wanted to do & glad that I did
It is a journey with the Lord & preparation what is ahead
My perspective broadened and my relationship with Him deepened

Looking back this one year - 16th Oct 2013 to 15th Oct 2014
I realized...
"It is not me who give God my 1 year service, 
  it is God who gives me 1 year to serve Him"
I have learned so much and gained so much throughout this one year serving
There are ups and downs in life, yet God is faithful

From this one year,
I have a family in SIBKL - more than colleagues, but a family
I'm always well loved, and thank you for the acceptance
I made a lot of mistake and learned from it
I'm blessed to be a blessing...

Not just that, I traveled the most in my life in a year.
I traveled to 20 places from 8 states and 2 overseas.
I planned and went to oversea with my close friends
I drove to outstation (finally)
I managed to cover Borneo - Sabah (Kota Kinabalu), Sarawak (Kuching), Brunei
I climbed Mount Kinabalu, 4096m height for the first time
I flew alone for the first time
I enjoyed so many beach views that I fall in love with God again & again

Above all, I enjoyed the friendship built from the trips
I have got to know so many new friends &
got to spend time with close friends and family in Christ
*Although  i still single and available:P
I'm grateful for all these......

- to be continued-

Future....

When I heard you said:
I agree that you won't do great things..
My heart was surprised
You are always encouraging and empowering
Why.....

BUT you continued the sentence:
Because I believe you are someone great.
Wow... that really blows my mind

Thank you, Spiritual daddy...for
Always believing me more than I am
Always trust me beyond my limitation
Always encourages me when I don't
Always empowering me at my lowest

What will I become 3 years from now?
What I want to become in the future?
These questions kept me thinking....
3 years from now, I'm around 30 years old..
What can I be or rather who I choose to become?

Pondering... Thinking.... Meditating....

纳闷

无由来的纳闷和忧闷
心情此时此刻很不爽
这已影响到我的daily functioning, social and change of character
套我的朋友说是disorder了

不喜欢这个感觉
尤其当我连抒发的机会都没有
嗯，脾气也跟着暴躁了
上帝啊，帮助我！

有时候无谓的固执
只因心中的不甘心

或许吧~~~

Moving On

Interestingly as we journey on in life,
We get to know more more about ourselves
I never know how much I love about nature
Particularly ocean, sky, beach until
I went to Brunei.

The amount of photos taken
The numbers of amazement remarks
The time spent just being there
I can't help but to smile and laugh without me realizing
I am falling in love with God again
Is just so amazing to be in His creation
To see how beautiful He is
For now i may understand a glimpse of what it means to
BE STILL AND KNOW HE IS GOD

My newly know friends that journey together

I like this photo - 有点像那些年

Took it using camera in plane through the window

心的旅程

小璇啊
你还好吗？
********************************************
我捱过来了
这漫长的4月，然后消失了一星期
好享受那星期的放下
远离这是非地
就只是看书，祷告，走走，与我自在的人在一起
这正是我喜欢做的事
********************************************
当我慢慢长大时，更怀念从前的自己
我已渐渐的不爱写字/表达
曾经文字对我而言是我的益友
但是一直回头只会让自己更痛苦
随便吧！能写就写，不能也免了
********************************************
以下是我在那星期的得着：

God has no answer for you (when I asked for an answer)
& want you to move on (when I asked what God wants me to do)
by trusting him things happen for good (when I asked how)
起初，我没办法接受上帝的回复
但是，想想--祂是上帝啊，祂没有责任向我交代任何东西
就只能相信，相信祂知道，相信祂明白。

Someone said that I'm very fragile 
I get easily influenced by surrounding
Hence, it is a choice I have to make
MAKE YOUR STAND, BE FIRM!
I was shocked when I first heard it
Because people would usually say i put a tough front
FRAGILE - I think I am, emotionally
I got so frustrated and hurt when people don't understand me/misunderstand me
So, i shut off and close my heart gate
Is time to stand & be firm
Let no one cross my bottom line, or to back off when people crossed it

Stop self pitying!
What I can do is

1. To acknowledge that I'm not ok
2. Tell myself that It is ok to not be ok
3. Don't hide/pretend
4. Be real in front of God
5. Move on with life
6. No turning back

*********************************************

晴天霹雳
今天已经是第三天了
但是我的心还是不能接受
或许我正在惊吓的阶段
也可被解读否定的阶段

有时醒来在想或许是一场梦
但是现实是残酷的
它总是提醒我这一切都是真的
我不敢想
不知道如何想
很多很多的疑问，澎湃的感受
让我不想面对

所以，我再次以我一贯的方式
鸵鸟式的回应
我答应你会学着坚强
但是，我能吗？

多么希望你就在我身旁陪伴我
天父啊，安抚我和领我走到袮的怀抱里吧
小璇祈求上帝刚强我的心，巩固我的信心

我

一直想要做回自己
但是总会顾虑其他
一直想要做我喜欢的事情
但是总会考量别人的需要

即将踏入26岁了
我--到底是个怎样的人呢？
我，有改变吗？

一直很怀念那傻傻，无所谓，甚至是什么都不会的我

这样的我，看过吗？

模拟的我

2013 后记

2013年，是我成长最多的一年
上半年真的很难熬
曾试过觉得过一天就像过一年一般
多次的怀疑，质疑自己
下半年终于明白柳暗花明又一村的感想

有压力，才明白何谓放松
有艰难，才明白何谓幸福
有悲伤，才明白何谓喜乐
有失去，才明白何谓珍惜

1月 - 发现与好朋友的关系越来越差
觉得世界好像颠覆一样，失去了平衡
害怕失去，所以更加紧张，却反而弄巧反拙

1月 - 课程越来越繁重，觉得撑不下去了
再一次质疑自己的能力，自己的呼召
是否应该继续走临床心理治疗师这条路

1月 - 第一次自助旅行到曼谷，真的超棒
在这低靡的时期，所幸朋友拉我出去看这个世界
借此，更深入认识这班朋友，谢谢你们

2月 - 被排入自己最害怕的成人精神科部门

甚至第一次在我们科系，只有自己一人在那里实习
孤单，孤独 - 无论做了多好的准备，还是失望了

3月 - 第一次亲身经历掠夺案，身心都受伤了
第一次那么的无助，自责及无奈
伤口虽然复原，但是疤痕永远都提醒我

5月 - 姐姐结婚了！喜悲参半的感觉
为她高兴，但同时我将失去她，家不一样了
我的家表面好，但每人都有自己的伤口，却不理会
结果，这一次全都浮面了
友谊，家庭都有问题 - 我失去了我的支柱，撑不下去了

5月 - 我国大选，局势紧张
竟然破天荒我有可能竞选
天大笑话，我已经精疲力尽，为何还要逼我呢？

6月 - 实习最后一个月，经历3个病人的死亡
论文却一而再的被质疑，要去争取，修改
毕业再次遥遥无期，2天没有睡，论文终于完成了

7月 - 终于，终于完成了硕士学位
终于可以好好的和系友去Sekeping Serendah
我们的毕业旅行，我们要离别了

8月 - 心血来潮与老朋友们下波德申海滩
13年我们终于第一次3人旅行 - 简单，舒服，走走透透气
 谢谢你们陪伴了我人生的一半

9月 - 5年来没有休息过

这一次终于不再理功课，没有病人
只有好好的休息，做自己想做的

10月 - 投入我人生另一个里程碑
开始了一年的同工工作
把我的第一年奉献给我生命最重要的祂

10月 - 我终于毕业啦！
人生第二次毕业，确实没有太大兴奋
但是却充满感恩，我完成了我的梦想

11月 - 进入我人生的25岁
忽然间，觉得长大了，觉得变老了
忙碌的一天，但是却感充实，更感恩朋友们的相陪

12月 - 终于去了和友人计划很久的旅行
虽然只是Johor - Desaru，但久违的重逢却让我觉得窝心
朋友啊，认识你们真好

2013年的结尾，最后一个星期

我很庆幸也和荣幸跟我的好姐妹一同去新加坡旅行
谢谢你们陪我的毕业旅行，纵使近，但至少出国了
2年前的同一天，到台湾毕业旅行，这一次到新加坡
好巧合哦，也是我们的第一个旅行
很开心，很窝心，很感恩有你们陪伴我度过我最难熬的一年

有你们真好

2013年我改变了很多

除了现在越来越有肉，“健康”一点

很多人说我沉静了，疏远了

套我的治疗师说: 不是我不要说，只是这一些都太沉重了，我不知道该怎么说

当友情，亲情都瓦解时，我已经没有精神支柱，我崩溃了
无限感恩，感谢上帝对我的眷顾与爱一直拉着我的手

也谢谢祂差遣天使们-我的好朋友们对我不离不弃，拖着我过完这一年

2014年，新的一年，新的盼望

回望过去，从中学习，再重新出发

经历让我们更坚强，更懂得如何去爱

所以，小璇，加油咯！

内心深处

最近的心情一直重复着
内心又很多的情绪及想法
绝对不是想太多或情绪泛滥
那天得到朋友的同理，朋友的明白
让我顿时觉得，啊，原来不只是我会这样
谢谢你，朋友。
愿意听我倾诉，愿意去同理

你说
当这样的事情发生时，
你的世界好像停止一样
纵使生活还是一样照旧
但是生命忽然像变暗一样
或者说生活还是有光，但是就变得有一点淡暗了
对，这就是我的感觉
生命忽然间少了一些东西
觉得空空的

你也发现了
我内心的害怕
嗯，其实自己也发觉到了
我接受这样的自己
但是同时盼望上帝能帮助我成长
是时候去跨出那信心的一步了
原来那一步可以是千斤重啊
新的一年，新的希望
愿我能跨越自己的槛，靠着上帝给我的力量与爱
小璇，学会依赖祂吧😊