how i feel now at this moment

a lot of things had happens..

physical events, emotional events and spiritual events..

all had influence and affected me much...

i complained, i depressed, i questioned, i give up...

maybe i have become a perfectionist?

maybe i have thought i have the control?

maybe i have taken God's place indirectly and hoping things gets it my way?

maybe i have been astray by loosing God's focus?

i thank you, God..

for this journey of wandering..

for this journey of seeking who im again..

for this journey that though You are quiet, i know You are there for me

for this journey that i see how Your hands move the things..

for this journey i have slowly find back myself..

for this journey that i know deeply, no matter how messy is the thing, God you still in control..

i'm grateful for

people that understands and allow me going this period of time..

people that steps in to help when i don't feel like doing anything..

people who encourage, comforts and affirm me this time..

people who don't criticize me during my lowest moment..

people who keeps pulling me out of it...

people who just love me.. and love me..

most of all..

grateful for people who has constantly accompany me..

who go all the way for me..

i'm sorry, friends...for this period of time...

if i've done things that hurt and discourage you..

if i've spoken something that i didn't mean it..

if i've neglect you unintentionally..

if i've reject your invitation or turn over the appointment..

if i've been such a disaster to you...

if i've lock myself sometimes...

not to say i'm fully recover..

not to say i'm fully ok and able to stand up again..

at least.. i'm learning to walk it out...

at least...i feel.. i'm better..

at least i'm leaning on God..

*the most important is not that we know God is at our side..

but to know we are at His side..*

PS:

i have cut short hair.. something that i never imagine..

and i don't like it..

hearing comments.. makes me sad the first day..

but.. thankful for people who affirm me and cheer me.. haha..

thank you ya..

i was once like this.. so.. physical appearance doesn't really matter.. what matter is my heart...

is my heart beautiful today??? hehe..